Why Holiday Meals Are So Hard to Navigate During Eating Disorder Recovery.
Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas… they are all synonymous with family, festivities and FOOD.
While the notion of gathering with loved ones around the table is pleasant for some, for many people with an eating disorder, it can be filled with landmines if you’re struggling with food, weight, and/or body image.
If you’re a chronic dieter, large holiday meals can reinforce binge behavior. Dieting, in fact, predicts binge eating, which in turn, leads to an endless cycle of “guilt” for bingeing, followed by restriction, and so on. We are literally drowning in diet talk and diet culture year-round.
If you are recovering from an eating disorder, particularly one that is restrictive, holidays like Thanksgiving and leading into Hanukkah and the Christmas season can be extremely anxiety-provoking.
While in recovery, some people will still be on a structured meal plan with specific foods, portions, and times. The holiday meal or meals might include heavier “fear foods” and are often served buffet style – sometimes in the middle of the day. Family members, whether close or distant, can make insensitive comments without even realizing it.
Common Holiday Triggers for People in Eating Disorder Recovery:
Here are some thoughts my clients have shared with me that they want others to know…
“The hardest thing is the commentary from others about weight, breaking their diets, good/bad food, guilt, indulgence, ‘feeling like a cow,’ burning off the calories, or whatever. It seems like everyone feels the need to justify their food choices. I just want to tell them to shut up!”
“I am overwhelmed and easily triggered by conversations about weight loss meds, how much weight a person has lost, etc.”
“The worst is when people have self-imposed dietary restrictions and feel the need to convert others. And there’s this weird sort of pressure to join in on the diet talk because it’s almost like a bonding ritual.”
“Relatives may comment on the way someone looks, particularly if the person in recovery has gained or lost weight. Often an innocent comment such as, “You look great, or You look healthy,” can be misinterpreted (through the eating disorder voice) and heard as “you look fat, or you have gained (or lost) so much weight. For someone in recovery, the idea that a family member might be watching their food intake or commenting on it is also very triggering.”
“I wish they knew what a waste of time it is to worry about the scale. People in my family are obsessed with diets and weight loss. I wish they understood how damaging it is to always refer to someone’s worth by their weight instead of their personalities or achievements.”
How to Support Yourself Before and During Holiday Meals
Discussing how you will respond to certain situations with your healthcare provider, support person or friend beforehand can be very helpful. I encourage my clients to think about what will be served at the meal if they are following a specific meal plan.
Learning to set boundaries with others can be very empowering:
- You can say that the table is a diet-free zone and be prepared to discuss subjects that are totally unrelated, such as politics, travel, weather, etc.
- Asking a friend, or family member for support at the event may be necessary.
- Focusing on gratitude for all the wonderful progress you have made, rather than on the negatives of the holiday season, can also be helpful.
What can you do if you are triggered during these holiday meals and family gatherings?
If you are triggered, remember to breathe! Taking a few deep breaths and removing yourself from the immediate environment might involve a walk outside or listening to music.
Summon your healthy voice as a reminder that this is just one meal, on one day. Friends or relatives won’t necessarily understand how difficult recovery is – they are usually just trying to be helpful. Have a plan made up beforehand for dealing with these potential triggers.
Now, what about you folks who are leaving the dieting life behind?
How do you avoid eating everything and more at the table (when I’m giving up on dieting)?
If you have a history of binge or emotional eating, remember that “all foods fit” and there are no “good” or “bad” foods.
If you try to avoid eating something tasty, you will more than likely find your way back to it and end up with more than you would have had in the first place!
Take a nice, deep breath and survey the scene:
You can decide if the food tastes good enough to continue eating.
If you do happen to eat emotionally, or have more food than you feel comfortable with, remember that emotional eating is often a normal response to stress as well as food restriction (AKA dieting).
Look and see which food or foods are appealing to you.
Do your best to be mindful and try to taste the food items you put on your plate.
It can be quite challenging to see, smell and touch a large amount of highly palatable foods.
Have compassion for yourself. Remember that learning to give up dieting is a process that is filled with ups and downs. Each “mistake” is just an opportunity to practice new skills.
There are steps to take in protecting your recovery from chronic dieting, or disordered eating with respect to your family and friends.
Here are 5 steps to Make Peace with Food during the Holidays:
- No diet talk at dinner. None. Whatsoever. This means no talk about “good” or “bad” foods. No talk about your latest diet or diet drug! There are so many more interesting things you could be talking about!
- Do not comment on other people’s body weight, appearance, or their food choices. This means do not ask if a person has lost weight. This also means “no comments on my kiddo’s food choices.”
- Find other ways of complimenting people besides their looks.
- Come up with some ideas to help distract from food post-meal – whether it’s a nice walk, a quiet card game or listening to music.
- Focus on connecting with all the wonderful people in your life – and to have gratitude for the many wonderful things our bodies can do for us!
Holidays like Thanksgiving, Hannukkah and Christmas are often hard for people who are in recovery or practicing intuitive eating and leaving diet culture behind.
Follow these steps, and they will help you make a plan to get through weekends, like this one coming up and do it by making peace with food.
And you never know when you might end up educating one of your family members.
As one of my clients told me, “I’m going to spend time enjoying my family time, football, and eating what appeals to me. With intuitive eating, there is no need to “overstuff!”
And from another client, “I prefer to spend the holiday with good friends who have become my family!”
Need Support Before the Holidays Hit?
If food feels stressful around Thanksgiving or during the holiday season, that’s a sign you may need additional support so you are not doing this alone. There are ways to leave dieting and diet culture behind as you make peace with food and your body image…
Download our free Intuitive Eating Guide today to learn gentle ways to care for yourself before the holidays begin.
[Download the FREE Intuitive Eating Guide]
Learn steps to implement some mindfulness and intuitive eating habits into your life, and let me know how your next holiday meal goes… You deserve a holiday that feels safe, connected, and meaningful, not stressful or focused on food. With the right support and a plan that works for you, holiday meals can get easier. And they do get easier.
Let’s be honest, this is hard work. Diet Culture has done a huge number on so many people, letting it go can seem almost impossible to do. That is why our clients work with us… for that 1-1 nutritional guidance with a professional who will help you and support you during the good times and challenging times.
Ready for Support From an Eating Disorder Dietitian?
Our team specializes in eating disorders and chronic dieting recovery. We work virtually in many states and accept a range of insurance plans.
Feel free to book a call and speak with me, Erica. We can determine who on our team would be the best fit for you, depending on where you are and what support you are seeking.
Erica Leon is a Registered Dietitian and practices from a Health at Every Size (HAES®) lens. She and her team of eating disorder specialists and Anti-Diet Dietitians provide insurance-based care for eating disorders, disordered eating, chronic dieting, or other health conditions in a safe and non-judgmental space for healing.
We work virtually with our clients from our offices in Westchester County in New York as well as the tri-state areas of New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut, along with Alabama, California, the District of Columbia, Florida, Illinois, Iowa, Maryland, Minnesota, Oregon, Texas, Vermont, and Wisconsin. We are in-network with the following insurance companies: Aetna, Blue Cross Blue Shield, Cigna, Emblem Health and United Healthcare; including Oxford, UMR, and The Empire Plan (NYSHIP).
We take the time to learn where you or your family are in the pursuit of health. Respectful of your individual needs and lifestyle, Erica will provide an honest assessment of whether or not you are a good fit to work together. Click here to schedule a 15-minute Discovery Call with Erica to let us know about your needs, and to see which of our Dietitians is the best fit for you!
